Confession: I do love “material posessions”. I love material posessions because they help me feel like ‘myself’ without having to explain or justify anything. Like me carrying a feather purse with a plush rabbit doll peeking out of it. A necklace ankh resting on my chest. The little cat ring I always ‘introduce’ to people (or force friends to say ‘hello’ to). The optical illusion that is my tobacco tin. A specifically pink lighter. My clunky camera. Everything I ‘own’; not only do I feel like they ‘belong’ to me, I feel that they are me because even merely posessing them, and taking ownership of these objects, makes me feel as though I have made some kind of a statement, or an expression, of something that I think/feel/believe. And a lot of the time all I want is to be understood without having to waste words on ears that are not willing to listen; at least I can choose what I display of my belongings, and others will have no choice but to accept that what they see must be, somehow, a part of who I am. Of course one can also say that it is very easy to let belongings become symbols/icons of status, conventional aesthetics (whatever that means), trends, etc. but now, to me, what I ‘own’, I make/select to “express myself”. I know how crazy it sounds, and yes, “everyone” may use what is material in order to convey something in themselves which is either just as material, or immaterial; but to what degree, and with what intent, is so variable, and a few years ago objects had meant nothing to me except for its potential in facilitating my ‘rise’ in society. But now, no longer. I have no reason to condemn or accept anything which exists outside of myself just for the sake of condemning or accepting. I want what I want. I am drawn to things. Some things more than others. This goes for everyone: so what? Materialism itself is not wrong or immoral. So I am embracing it. I make my life what it is, and regardless of how numerous/how productive my belongings are(n’t), I still have THINGS which I call my own, and none of them are going to be less real or less significant just because I could live differently. My life is my life, my things are my things, I show what I show because I actually do want it, and nothing and nobody other than myself will convince me to do otherwise.
